My first thought is: "Pop" does not do this tune justice!
You have some great blues and ska influences in here that really take over the
feel of the song. I think that this is fairly important because the first line
screen people use to listen to new music is genre.
I am very impressed by the chromatically inspired chord
progression, its hard to use but that effortless melody over it shows me that
you have a gifted musical ear (nice falsetto there!). While the production and
recording quality could make this shine even more, I will assume that as with
most musicians this is often a financial barrier. That aside, my comments:
-
The phrase for "b. please stay and see" sounds forced into the phrasing of the
chorus. A is 5 syllables, the next line being 4 is slightly awkward as it is
phrased currently (b / please stay with me). If you want to keep the lyrics
intact, I would perhaps change the phrasing to holding "B" and "please" for
equal half note durations, saving the ornamentation for "stay and see" which
can at that point be ornamented without fear of mucking things up.
OR- you can have some REAL fun with this
phrasing! How about... 11 syllables?!
A. / please come back to me
B.i've.had.no.laughs.since.you've.deserted.me
!
(then maybe get rid of your meter altogether!)
C. / oooOh! / just have some
fun with me
For a song this upbeat and jolly, I think I'd
benefit from less structured phrasing, especially given your vocalist's dynamic
and fearless singing. Good luck, can't wait to eventually hear the finished
product!
